We're the Very Best (At Being Bad Guys)
by KitKatt0430
Summary: It's 1932 and the writing is on the wall for the end of prohibition. Leonard Snart is a mob boss who runs a crime ring known as The Rogues. But the new rival gang in town is playing dirty with an unknown chemical weapon and it may very well be that the new singer at Lisa's speakeasy and his lovely journalist wife may hold the information Len needs to turn the tables on the new gang


Summary: It's 1932 and the writing is on the wall for the end of prohibition. Leonard Snart is a mob boss who runs a string of speakeasies and a crime ring known as The Rogues. But the new rival gang in town is playing dirty with an unknown chemical weapon and it may very well be that the new singer at Lisa's speakeasy - Cold as Ice - and his lovely journalist wife may hold the information Len needs to not only uncover the identity of the new gang's leader but turn the tables on them before things devolve into gang warfare on the streets of Central City.

Notes: ColdWestAllen Week – May 27 – The 30s

The title is a reference to a song from Bugsy Malone ("Bad Guys") that is one of the best (funniest) movies about gang warfare and speakeasies that I've ever seen. If you've never seen it, go watch it. This fanfic can wait. (It's a musical; I'm sure Barry loves it.)

_**We're the Very Best (At Being Bad Guys)**_

_You give a little love_  
_And it all comes back to you_  
_La la la lala lala_

Len rolled his eyes at the cheesy music, but the customers seemed to love it as they flocked to the dance floor to twirl around together, beaded fringe flying about women's skirts both on and off the stage.

"Just wait, Lenny," Lisa said, noting her brother's boredom. "I know this singer's not quite to your taste, but I promise the next one's gonna make your jaw drop."

"Yeah? His singing that good or is he just that tasty looking?" Len shot back.

"Mmmm, both," Lisa teased with a laugh. "Barry Allen. He's married already, but I hear they're looking for a third. His bird's quite the snack too. If I were the relationship sort, I'd snag them for myself, but they're perfect for you. I've got a feeling about it."

"We'll see," Len responded noncommittally. "Not sure I've really got time for romancing anyone, never mind two someones. Not with that new crew on the move, gobbling up territory." He wasn't going to complain too hard about the Marlons family getting shoved out. They were assholes and tended to start more problems than they solved. But this new crew – whoever they were, Len didn't have any names yet – had started nibbling at Len's territory too. One of his hidden distilleries nearly got knocked over by the authorities the other day.

The Detectives leading the search had known about the trap doors and everything. Len's Rogues had been tipped off twenty-four hours beforehand and moved everything out just barely in time, but now Len had a still in pieces and nowhere to reassemble it yet. Evidence pointed to the new guys in town being responsible for the tip-off, though how they'd known about the hidden entrances was still baffling Len as well.

He needed more information and fast, 'cause the time to go on the offensive was now.

"Alright, that was Blousy Brown," called the emcee from the stage. "I'm afraid that was her last set for the night, good folks, but next up we're in for a treat from the handsome Barry Allen. The Scarlet Singer, here for your enjoyment, with his opening act, In a Flash."

And oh, Barry Allen was a delicious looking treat indeed.

The stage started dark with Allen barely visible, but as the music began the stage slowly became illuminated. In the center was a gorgeous brunet dressed in a crimson tux whose voice was just…

Len couldn't even take in the lyrics at first because he was too busy being in awe of how gorgeous Allen was both physically and vocally. But, eventually, the lyrics began to filter in.

_You can't pin me down_  
_You can't hold me still_  
_You can't stop me now 'cause I'm…_  
_Gone in a flash._

"He's got a dame already?" Len asked, just to be sure he'd heard Lisa right earlier.

"That's right. Iris West. She's a reporter from what I've heard," Lisa replied, eyes alight with amusement. "They're looking for a third," she reminded him with a little smirk, knowing he'd been hooked already. "Come on. I'm going to stick you at the table we usually seat her at while Barry's performing. If you can hit it off with her, you'll do fine with him too. She's the more difficult of the two; you'll like that about her."

Len rolled his eyes, but followed his sister off to a corner table – cozy with a good view of the stage. He snuck another look at Allen as he crossed the room.

If Barry Allen looked that good in the suit, how much better must he look out of it?

* * *

Iris was running late that evening, arriving at the start of Barry's second song.

_You're kinda cool but I know better than to break the rules_  
_Of messin' with a lesson that I'll never learn_  
_I'll go from bad to worse and later back to better_  
_But I'll never better bridges that I'm bent to burn_

She'd gone through the usual rigamarole of walking into the Cold Day bookstore, passing code words with the man at the desk to get a special poetry book, which she then put the money for her cover charge in before heading to the back stacks. In the back of the store, well out of sight of the front, was a door with a little hinged window. A knock on that door, a few more code phrases, and one book passed through later, and Iris was led down the stairs and through a secret passage in the basement in the loud Cold as Ice speakeasy run by Lisa Snart, sister of the leader of the Rogues.

Barry had started working there as a singer not long ago, after his job at STAR Labs suddenly became… unsafe. Harrison Wells had disappeared and though the police had searched for him, they hadn't looked very hard. Even her father brushed off the case with some platitude about people running off all the time these days 'cause of the Depression. But Wells had weathered the market crash in '29 when others hadn't. His employees had been largely safe too. It wasn't like Harrison to just up and vanish.

So Iris had started investigating herself, with Barry's help. Not that Barry was able to help for long. Eobard Thawne swooped in from seemingly nowhere, taking over STAR Labs and making Barry's life utter hell at work. Barry had no choice but to quit. No one was certain why Thawne had it out for Barry, but Iris thought Thawne had to have something to do with Wells' disappearance. She also thought the legal documentation that let him take over STAR Labs had been forged.

She also thought Thawne had murdered Wells, but she hadn't mentioned that theory to Barry yet. Harrison had been his friend as well as colleague and he still hoped they'd find him alive.

"It's a bit busy tonight," the maitre'd told Iris as he gestured for a waiter to guide Iris to her seat. "I've been informed you'll be sharing your usual table with Mr. Snart."

Mr. Snart… the leader of the Rogues and the reason Iris had pushed Barry to apply for the job at Cold as Ice. Because Thawne had ties to the new gang in town and had made his dislike of Barry clear, it only made sense for them to get the nominal protection of another gang. It helped that Snart had a reputation for being fair and not allowing his people to get away with murder… at least, non-gang related murder. If a guy killed his moll for sleeping around, then Snart'd send the bastard off to the cops himself.

"That's fine with me," Iris decided. Maybe if she could find a natural way to bring up Wells and Thawne, she could find out something new. Certainly she and Barry had been playing up their desire for a third partner in order to chat people up and find out what they knew about the situation.

Usually, the answer was not much.

Iris had never seen Leonard Snart – Captain Cold himself – before. But the man at her table when the waiter seated her was, without a doubt, one of the most handsome men she'd ever seen. Maybe it'd be worth her father's wrath for her and Barry to dally with this one after all.

"Mr. Snart, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," she greeted him politely, pitching her voice just loud enough to be heard about Barry's lovely singing.

"Mrs. West-Allen," Snart replied with a charming smile, "the pleasure is all mine."

_And dreaming doesn't do no good_  
_Cause I don't wanna lie_  
_That I'm okay and I'm alright_  
_I'd rather take it and forget it_  
_Consider this a warning_

* * *

Barry finished up his first set of the night and hurried to his dressing room to change into something a little less eye catching. He loved the red suit and the chance to show off his singing, but standing out only really felt right on the stage.

He hurried out into the crowd, blending right in as he made his way to Iris' table. There was a handsome man there with her who made Barry's throat go a little dry. This one was… wow. Iris seemed to think so too, from the way her body language was reading: flirtatious and coy.

Taking the third seat at the table, Barry smiled and shook the handsome man's hand after giving his wife a peck on the cheek.

"It's lovely to meet you, Mr. Allen. I quite enjoyed your performance."

"Thank you, mister…?"

"Barry, this is Leonard Snart." Iris introduced them, her smile turning a little sly.

Barry's mouth went dry for another reason. Captain Cold was a dangerous man. And if he thought they were asking the wrong questions about Wells, Thawne, and that new rival gang… they were dead.

"Mr. Snart," Barry flushed at the way Snart's stare seemed to bore right into him. "I'm flattered."

"Please, both of you, call me Len," he offered and that voice of his was just… glorious the way it slithered over his syllables.

Iris exchanged a pleased looks with Barry and then offered their own first names as well.

They ordered dinner and drinks and made small talk as they waited. Iris tried to nudge the conversation towards the new gang a few times, less subtle than she thought if Len's indulgently amused expression was any indication.

"So, Barry, what made you choose to go into show business?" Len asked, steering the conversation the way he wanted.

Barry glanced at Iris again and she shrugged. The truth was less likely to get them in trouble, while a lie would be problematic down the road if they were caught in it.

"It's more of a fallback career, actually," Barry admitted. "I was previously a scientist – physics and biology mostly – and I worked at STAR Labs. But I was friends with Harrison Wells and after he disappeared, I guess I asked too many of the wrong questions. Dr. Thawne didn't appreciate my curiosity and I… felt rather unsafe there. Had to quit. The other labs in the area aren't hiring right now, but luckily I've got talents other than science at my disposal."

Snart was frowning thoughtfully. "STAR Labs… the street address puts it somewhere north of Roxene Road, right?"

"That's right," Barry agreed.

The new gang's territory had expanded to encompass that area of town just a few weeks earlier, shortly after Barry left STAR Labs.

Seemed Snart might very well be seeing the same connection there that Iris had made. Exchanging another look with his wife, they came to a silent agreement.

"We think Thawne is involved in Wells' disappearance and that his acquiring of STAR Labs is less than legal," Iris told Len bluntly.

"What kind of work does STAR Labs do?"

"Speculative science, under Harrison's direction anyway. Thawne was pushing for a change into weapons development."

Len hummed thoughtfully and then said, "perhaps we should take this discussion somewhere more private."

"I'm fine with that," Iris replied.

"I've got my second set in about an hour and a half," Barry said. "Your sister won't be pleased if I'm late." Snart didn't seem upset, more... congenially curious. Barry was more worried about being caught up in conversation than in missing his set for more... nefarious reasons. Not that he was ruling the possibility out entirely.

"You won't be. We're just moving to a room off to the side where we can hear each other better." And no one could over hear them.

It made Barry nervous. But if Thawne was using STAR Labs as a way to supply a gang with weapons, then it could lead to warfare on the streets.

Much as Barry wanted to find Harrison, this could be the very break he and Iris had been looking for. Someone to listen to what they knew; more importantly, someone who had the power and freedom to actually act on what they knew.

* * *

Len wondered if Lisa knew what a treasure trove of information the lovely couple she'd pointed him at that night would turn out to be.

By the time he was sending off Barry to go sing his second set, his mind was whirling with new possibilities.

No one knew who the leader of the new gang was, but Thawne sounded like a potential candidate. If not the leader, then he was certainly high up there. And making weapons.

That made a chill go up Len's back. He'd been hearing rumors about a new gun. Something called a splurge gun. Looked like a tommy-gun until it actually started shooting, but instead it sprayed out this unusual goop - looked sort of like whipped cream. Whatever it was, the toxic compound that left everyone it touched in a coma.

And Barry was a physicist and biologist. Maybe he'd like the chance to be a scientist again and identify what that compound was really made of. Maybe even come up with an antidote.

Even if that wasn't in Barry's skill set, there was a good chance he'd know someone who could do it and who wasn't aligned with Thawne.

And maybe…

Len leaned against the table, having pushed the finished food out his way, and smiled charmingly at Iris. "Perhaps this is a little forward of me, but my sister tells me you and your husband are interested in a third partner. A permanent romantic liaison, as it were."

"If the right person were to make themselves known," Iris agreed, giving Len a heated look.

Maybe he'd get more than a business deal out of this too. And that was an exciting thought indeed.

* * *

Notes:

\- Blousy Brown and the song "You Give a Little Love" are also from Bugsy Malone

\- "You Give a Little Love" starts off as a reprise of "Bad Guys" "In a Flash" isn't a real song and reminds me why I don't typically write poetry/song lyrics

\- "Consider This" by Anna Nalick is what Barry is singing when Iris gets to the club

So I have some vague thoughts on where this could go from here. While I don't intend to continue this now, if I do write any more to this then Barry will wind up getting his speedster powers. Len might get cold/ice powers. Iris will get to have her name in the byline for the write up of the biggest scandal to hit Central City in recent years.


End file.
